Album: Like A Rhinestone Ploughboy – Artist: Sid Kipper

Well when first I wed me Norfolk girl, we all went back to Trunch
To drink a toast, and cut the cake, and have a bite of lunch
Now she and I was eager to start the honeymoon
But her father made a speech which went on half the afternoon

He told me: (chorus)
Treat me daughter decent don’t do her any ill
And when I go I’ll leave you my smallholding in my will
I’ll leave me muck heap and me silage me slurry and me swill
And all the great big gobblers in the garden

When finally he finished me eyelids felt like lead
So me and my new missus said we thought t’was time for bed
In the coach I said I thought we’d never get away from him
But when we cuddled up the driver turned round with a grin

And he said:
He drove us to our lodgings and he said cheerio
But I finally made him realise it was him that ought to go
And soon we lay together me wife say go to town
But my ambition withered when a window-pane flew down

This voice said:
She said you’ve really got to laugh but I was proper riled
I was so fed up I couldn’t even raise a smile
I couldn’t see the joke at all. All I saw was red
For every time we kissed he’d call from underneath the bed

And he said:
Now we’ve been married seven years and we’ve got three young pups
Well twice he went on holiday and once we tied him up
And every hour of every day his promises we’ve heard
Now me and my old twelve-bore think that’s time he kept his word

His words are: